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Husbands, Love Your Wives, Just as Christ Loved the Church

Jesus modeled the husband’s love in how he loved the church – Ephesians 5:25-27.

Jesus surrendered himself for the church, in order that we might be sanctified, cleansed and presented as holy to God. The husband is to follow this example of sacrificial love by placing his wife’s interests ahead of his own. Paul further explained sacrificial love in Philippians 2:3-4.

Love your wife as your own body:  God instructs the husband to nourish and cherish his wife as a member of his own flesh (Ephesians 5:30-33).  Porn can cause a husband to value his wife primarily on the basis of her sexual appearance and/or performance.  Her body is not intended as a replacement for pornography, but rather, she is a God-given, lifelong companion.  

God wants us to delight in our wives in a much deeper way than just sexually.  Proverbs 5:15-20 instructs the husband to rejoice in his wife, to be satisfied with her body and to be captivated by her love.  Note that these are decisions the husband must choose to make.   Here are some practical examples of loving your wife as your own body include:

  • Pray for and care for her when she is sick
  • Help her out around the home
  • Protect her reputation in public and support her in family relationships
  • Pleasure her during sex
  • Remind yourself of her good qualities and thank God for them
  • Don’t let your eyes & mind fantasize about other women
  • Don’t ask her to do sexual acts against her will

Love your wife with Understanding:  Your wife is a delicate vessel and a co-heir in Christ.  If you don’t treat her gently and reverently, God will not hear your prayers (1 Peter 3:7)!  Your wife is not a sex object created to satisfy your lust.   She is a person, a wonderful creation made in God’s image.  God has given her to you as a gift, and he expects you to treat her with respect, gentleness, dignity and consideration (Romans 12:10).  Practical examples of applying this include:

  • Seek first to understand where she is coming from in the situation
  • Communicate your feelings to her without trying to manipulate her
  • Speak to her with kind words (not harsh words)
  • Pay attention to her when she talks to you
  • Respect her opinion, especially when it differs from yours
  • Praise her for her good qualities and affirm her in the good things she does
  • Don’t ask for sex when she is not in the mood
  • Ask for forgiveness whenever you fail to love her as God wants you to

Show your wife her due Affection – don’t neglect her:  1 Corinthians 7:4-6 describes the mutual authority of the husband and wife over each other’s  bodies.  This is not a mandate for the wife to give sex whenever the husband wants it.  Rather, it is a reminder to the husband and wife to be sensitive to each other’s sexual desires so that neither becomes vulnerable to temptation.  Sensitivity is fostered through loving communication, affection, affirmation and tenderness.  When these are in place, the marriage sex life is virtually guaranteed to be wonderful.  Practical applications of this include:

  • Make the effort to show affection for your wife during sex in the way she wants it (if you don’t know what that is, ask her!)
  • Express non-sexual affection to her regularly:  Men sometimes fail to realize how important it is for a woman to know that her husband loves her as a person, not as a sex object.  Non-sexual affection sends the message of “I love you” in a special way that she will appreciate deeply.  Caution:  Don’t show non-sexual affection with the underlying motive of wanting to get sex. That will nullify any message of “I love you” you’re trying to send!
  • Take time during lovemaking with your wife and don’t try to rush things; spend time relaxing together during the “afterglow.”  Men too often forget that the afterglow time is a great opportunity for re-securing the bond of intimacy together.  

Indeed, showing this type of love is something that husbands will need the Holy Spirit’s help in doing.  It IS POSSIBLE and God will help you to live it daily!  If that is the desire of your heart for your marriage, please pray this suggested prayer:

“Heavenly Father, Thank you for giving me a model through Jesus of the love I am to show for my wife.  I confess that I have not loved my wife as you have instructed me to.  Please forgive me specifically for not __________________(list shortcomings).   In the name of Jesus Christ, I claim the finished work of the cross and break any curses operating over my wife, myself and our marriage.  Lord, I commit today to pursue Godly love for my wife by loving her as Christ loved the church, loving her as my own body, loving her with understanding and showing her due affection.  Father please strengthen me by the Holy Spirit to love her in these ways.  Please ignite the fires of passion between us and restore in us healthy sexual desire for one another.  I ask that you will help my wife be the woman that you want her to be.  Please bless her and work in her life.  Thank you, Father!  In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

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2 Responses to “Husbands, Love Your Wives, Just as Christ Loved the Church”

  1. Thank you, I have recently been searching for information approximately this topic for a long time and yours is the best I have found out so far.

  2. This article is biblically accurate. Wives also must be mindful that they are to submit to their own husbands. Wives should submit to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24). This doesn’t mean you don’t get to have an opinion. If every marriage followed the biblical rules where the husband loved the wife as much as his own body and every wife submitted to her husband there would be almost no divorce.


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