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Looking For A Mate

Before getting married, people must be prepared physically, morally, spiritually, economically, and emotionally. These things need to be taught to our children as they grow up.

Proverbs 12:4
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Jacob was attracted to Rachel because of her beauty – Genesis 29
Do not marry the girl that looks pretty to you. If a man who thinks he is ready to marry begins to look for a wife, he is generally first attracted to her because of how she looks to him. Everywhere in the world men are attracted to women and women are attracted to men. This is how God intended. However, after you are married, if you find yourself attracted to someone other than your spouse, you should ignore that attraction. For a married person, this attraction is a temptation to sin. It is best if we marry someone that we find reasonably attractive. But remember there are other things that are more important than beauty.

As a ring of gold in a pig’s nose, so is a beautiful woman who lacks good judgement – Proverbs 11:22

When one is prepared for marriage, one is ready to search for someone to marry that has also prepared for marriage. It is best to marry someone who acts responsibly. It is best to marry someone who shows good judgement. Search for someone physically and mentally mature. Do not marry someone who is lazy. Look for someone who is a hard worker. To make a good marriage requires hard work for both partners. Laziness will destroy happiness in a marriage. A man may want to find a woman who is a good cook. Remember she will provide meals for her husband and her children.

It is best to marry someone who is in good health. If a husband is in bad health, he will not be able to provide for his family. If a wife is in bad health, she may not be able to have children. We know that God expects that after someone is married that the marriage must be preserved even if one of the partners becomes sick.

Married couples who treat each other with kindness and respect are almost never unhappy in their marriage. This means that when we are looking for someone to marry we should look for someone who treats children with kindness. Look for someone who treats their parents with respect. If a man treats a woman without kindness or respect before he is married, he will certainly not treat her properly after marriage. Do not marry someone who is not gentle.

Look for a man who will love God more than he will love his wife. Look for a woman that will love God more than she will love her husband. If you find a mate who will love God more than he or she will love you, then you can trust that after marriage you should be treated the way God intended.

Love is something that we can give away and still not have any less love to give. It is okay to marry someone who can love everybody. There will still be plenty of love for you. I am talking about love that places self last. Look for a man to marry who can love other people more than he loves himself. Look for a wife to marry who can love other people more than she loves herself. This kind of love is willing to sacrifice to make the one they love happy. I know too many men who have gotten married to the woman that they were just certain would make them happy. When we are expecting someone else to make us happy, we find that our life becomes miserable. If you marry someone that you believe that YOU can make happy, then you can have a truly happy life.

We become truly happy when we are serving the Lord through serving other people. Marry someone who will keep busy serving others. If you make your wife happy, then she will almost always make you happy. If you love your husband and work to make him happy, then he will likely cause you to be happy.

• • • ♥ • • •

Proverbs 31:10-31
Who can find a good wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Michael S. Cole

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