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Top 10 Things Husbands Want From Their Wives

What Men Want From Marriage??????

In no particular order, here are ten things that many husbands often want from their wives.

Note that these are “wants” — not emotional needs. As individuals, we are each responsible for filling our own emotional needs.

1. Believe in His Capabilities
Many men believe it is important for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let him know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him.

Be a Supportive Spouse! Ways to Support One Another!
Being a supportive spouse can be both a rewarding and a difficult role. Although the dictionary definition is quite clear, living out being supportive in your marriage isn’t always so well defined. For most couples the most important aspect of being supportive is being a loving presence in your spouse’s life.

Definition
If you look for a dictionary definition of being supportive, you will find phrases like “being an advocate”, “providing for”, “strengthening”, “to keep from weakening or failing”, “bearing the weight”, and “keeping from falling, sinking, slipping.”

That’s quite a responsibility for anyone to take on. The sense of responsibility grows even greater when a spouse is weighed down by problems with job, family, kids, health, or social obligations or is coping with feelings of loss, disappointment, and fear.

Ways to be Supportive:
•Respect your spouse’s personal decisions.
•Show that you have faith in your mate.
•Be the shoulder to lean on when your spouse has a sinking feeling.
•Work together with your spouse to maintain balance in your life together.
•In wanting to help your spouse to rebound from a difficult situation, don’t try to solve your partner’s problem.
•Listen well so that your spouse knows you want to understand the issue or situation troubling your mate.
•Be realistic as you encourage your spouse. Don’t exaggerate.
•Don’t be threatened by your spouse’s accomplishments. Tell people, especially your partner, how proud you are of his/her talents and skills.

• • • ♥ • • •

2. Understanding
One of the ways you can both tell and show your husband that you want to understand him is by making a commitment to daily dialogue with him. Daily dialogue only takes 20 minutes out of your day. Isn’t your husband worth 20 minutes each day? Dialogue! Describing feelings to one another on a regular basis can improve your communication and bring you closer.

Dialogue Questions (150)

Daily Dialogue Abbreviations
A listing of commonly used abbreviations in daily dialogue questions.

Daily Dialogue Hints
Quick, easy hints on daily dialogue.

Describing Feelings
Describing feelings to one another on a regular basis can improve your communication and bring you closer.

Feeling Words
A very long list of words to help you when you dialogue with one another.

Gift of Daily Dialogue
Hints and suggestions to make dialogue more effective.

How to Share What’s in Your Heart With Your Spouse
It’s easy to share your thoughts, the information that’s in your brain. However, it is not so easy to share the depth of your feelings that live in your heart.

Dialogue Questions Archive
Here are daily dialogue questions arranged monthly.

• • • ♥ • • •

3. Affirmation of His Accomplishments
Most guys like to be patted on the back. Compliment your husband often. Just don’t overdo it with sickly sweet oozes of how great he is. That type of affirmation will backfire.

The Importance of Compliments in Your Marriage! It’s Not That Hard – – Once a Day – – Say Something Nice!

Make sure that you sincerely compliment your spouse at least once every day. Look for things you can comment on that you haven’t mentioned before.

Impact of Compliments on Your Marriage!

When you give sincere encouragement and compliments to your spouse, several things are accomplished.
•Your spouse’s self-confidence is increased.
•Your own self-worth is increased.
•The friendship between the two of you is strengthened.

The Difference Between Flattery and Compliments
It is important that your compliments are sincere and honest. When they are not, your comments turn into flattery which is untrue or insincere praise. Flattery is usually received with negativity and is often perceived as being manipulative.

Quotes About Compliments and Marriage
Steve Goodier: “Sincere compliments cost nothing and can accomplish so much. In ANY relationship, they are the applause that refreshes.”
Source: Steve Goodier, Prescription for Peace

Les and Leslie Parrott: “The most important element of romantic passion for both husbands and wives is to feel special. Not only do they want to feel sexually attractive to their mates, but they want to know they are appreciated. Compliments feel good–both to give and to receive. So, to paraphrase a James Taylor song, ‘Shower the person you love with compliments.'”
Source: Les and Leslie Parrott, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

Gary and Barbara Rosberg: “Mark Twain once said, ‘I can live a whole month on one compliment.’ Just think about the life we can bring to a marriage with an ever flowing stream of affirmation. Hearty affirmation is a key ingredient in unconditional love. It’s like a magnet: It draws us in; it attracts us.”
Source: Gary and Barbara Rosberg, The 5 Love Needs of Men & Women

Richard Carlson: “The power of a compliment or a few kind, sexy words can be overwhelming! Think back to all of the things that you used to say to your sweetheart when you were dating.”
Source: Richard Carlson, The Don’t Sweat Guide for Newlyweds: Finding What Matters Most in the First Year!

Suggested Reading

• • • ♥ • • •

4. Acceptance
Many husbands are hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. Realize that the only person that you can change is yourself.

Married to a Jerk? Do you Love and Dislike Your Spouse at the Same Time?

It happens to a lot to people. You fall in love. The romantic phase blinds you to your partner’s imperfections. Your spouse is a jerk.

You think your mate will change. You hope that in time the difficult aspects of your spouse’s jerky personality will go away. But it doesn’t happen.

You find yourself in love with a person you can’t stand and don’t like. Comments from others like “You should have known better…” or “Didn’t you see it while dating…” won’t help when living with a jerk. Should you throw in the towel when the handsome prince turns into a toad? Or is there hope for such a marriage?

There is hope for this type of situation. However, it does take honest and caring communication.

Types of Difficult Spouses
•The Know-it-All
•The Negative Thinker
•The Criticizer
•The Wishy-Washy Type
•The Silent Clam
•The Bully
•The Sickening Sweet Personality
•The Procrastinator
•The Self-centered and Selfish Person
•The Demanding Type
•The Joker
•The Embarrassing Spouse

Personality compatibility is an important characteristic of happy couples. Irritating habits and activities of a jerk can drive you up the wall just like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. If ignored, it only gets worse.

Coping Strategies if You’ve Married a Jerk
•Recognize you can’t change your spouse. You can only change your reactions and responses.
•Reinforce positive behavior. When you spouse does something right, say so!
•Be straight forward and clear in your communications with your spouse.
•Make time to be alone together such as taking walks.
•Don’t place blame. It only creates defensiveness. Use “I” statements.
•Try and focus on the positive. Looking only at the negative behaviors in your spouse can be self-fulfilling.
•Be honest about yourself. If you make a mistake, admit it.
•Listen with both your heart and your mind.
•Maintain eye contact when stating your own opinions and feelings. Be prepared so you know what you want to say before you say it.

• • • ♥ • • •

5. Less Chatter
If your husband is tired, or involved with a project, and you really want to talk to him about something, get to the point. If he wants the details of the topic, he will ask for them.

Communicate
Lack of communication is a primary reason marriages fail. Couples have to learn to communicate and listen to one another effectively.

Tips For When You Have to Talk
Throughout your marriage there will be times when you need to have must have conversations. These are the conversations that you both may not want to talk about. Here are tips and strategies when you have to talk.

Have-To Versus Want-To
Watch how often you use the words “have-to” and “want-to” when talking with your spouse. When you say you have to do something, do you really have to do it, or is it something you want to do?

Stonewalling
Definition of the term stonewalling and how it applies to communication in a marriage relationship.

Want a Great Marriage?
If you want a great marriage you need to talk to one another so that your marriage will be great and not just good. Check out this list of phrases that married couples often say to one another.

Is Negativity Hurting Your Marriage?
Negativity can come in the form of cynicism, criticism, whining, attacking, pessimism, discontent, perfectionism, and hyper intensity. All of these behaviors can push people away, including spouses.

How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?
No matter how long a couple has been together, there are always more things to learn about one another. If the two of you disagree on some of these statements, talk about them in more depth.

Talk, Talk, Talk: The Importance of Conversation in Marriage
When a couple reaches the point of not having anything to say to one another, their marriage is in serious trouble. Here are some tips on why conversation in a marriage is so essential, and topics to talk about.

Manipulation in Marriage
All of us know how to be manipulative. Manipulation can be subtle or manipulation can be very obvious. Regardless, manipulation is damaging to your marriage.

• • • ♥ • • •

6. Affection
Hold your husband’s hand in public, leave a message of love on his voice mail, massage his shoulders, and give him an unexpected kiss. Men like to be romanced too!

Having a Romantic Notion Isn’t Just for Valentine’s Day….Being romantic isn’t just for couples who are dating. Here are simple ways you can be romantic in your marriage all through the year.

•Make a decision to be romantic.
•Enjoy a full moon together.
•Call your spouse during the day and say something romantic.
•Hold hands.
•Leave a romantic love note for your mate to find.
•Suggest going for a romantic walk together and hold hands.
•Remember to give a lingering kiss for no reason at all.
•Say “I love you.”
•Watch a classic romantic movie together.
•Lie down on a blanket in your backyard and watch the clouds or stars.
•Send a romantic card.
•Plan a romantic, candlelight dinner.
•Pick a flower to put in a bud vase.
•Write a romantic love letter.
•Nibble on your spouse’s ear and whisper something sweet or spicy.
•Schedule an evening to have a romantic date with one another.

• • • ♥ • • •

7. Respect
Show respect for your husband by not making negative comments about his thoughts and opinions, by being considerate of his plans, and by avoiding the “eye roll” when listening to him.

You’ve seen it. The eye roll. It is often accompanied by a big sigh. If you are like most folks, seeing the eye roll makes you angry, or defensive, or both.

The upward eye roll is an optical nonverbal communication maneuver that usually is perceived as a negative response to something that was said.

Frequent eye rolling could be a clue that there are problems in your marriage relationship with your spouse. The eye roll, like hurtful jokes, sarcasm, denial, stonewalling, and blame, is a form of provocative communication.

What the Eye Roll May Be Saying
•Disagreement with what is being said.
•Dislike for how something is being said.
•Venting frustration or exasperation.

How the Eye Roll May Be Perceived
•As a display of contempt for your beliefs.
•As an insult.
•As condescending sarcasm.
•As a put down or scorn.
•As a lack of respect.

What the Eye Roll May Show
•Lack of caring.
•Superiority.
•Lack of respect.
•Dismissive attitude.
•Passive-aggressive behavior.

What the Eye Roll Can Do to Your Marriage
•Intensify hostility in your relationship.
•Diminish trust.
•Build power struggles.
•Hurt communication.
•Bring about withdrawal.
•Encourage defensive reaction.
•Create a sense of intimidation.

What You Can Do
•State that your perception of your spouse’s nonverbal is that there is a problem with what you’ve said. Ask for clarification.
•Talk with each other about what triggers the eye roll. Have this conversation when neither of you are angry.

• • • ♥ • • •

8. Free Time
Most everyone has a desire for some quiet time alone, and time to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect. When your husband first gets home from work, allow him some free time to unwind. Don’t over-schedule his days off with projects around the house.

Over scheduling and time pressures can destroy a marriage.

Working Too Many Hours

Reminder Services

Self Care Enhances Your Marriage
One of the standard closing lines we use in letters and emails is “Take care.” And we mean it. We often tell our readers to remember the importance of taking care of themselves, both emotionally and physically. That means minimally getting enough sleep, consuming a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, and having some fun and laughter in life.

How Do You Slow Down, Re-Create, Recharge, or Unplug as a Couple
As individuals, we all need to make time to slow down and recharge. As couples we need to do the same. How do you slow down, re-create, recharge, or unplug as a couple?

Living in the Moment
If you live in the moment, if you are mindful, you will have a more satisfying marriage and you will fight less and feel less defensive in your marriage.

The Importance of Now
Living in the moment, recognizing the importance of now, will help the two of you have a better marriage. How do you live in the moment? What tips can you share to help others live in the moment?

Lack of Time Together
Have you had success solving the lack of time together issue in your marriage? Share your tips here.

Who Was That Masked Man … ?
Here are a few suggestions for making some time to highlight your marriage relationship.

Don’t Touch That Button!
For many years, married couples have found themselves at odds with one another over the remote control. Who has the remote? Where is the remote? Who keeps control of the remote? Did you hide the remote? Did you mess up the programming on the remote? Did you break the remote?

Separate Vacations for Married Couples
Separate vacations are not a threat to your stable, happy marriage if you also make time for shared vacations.

Time Alone Poll
Marriage experts state that if you find yourself on edge, grumpy, depressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed, or resentful, you may need some time alone. Is time alone (personal time) important to you?

Separate Vacations Poll
Many marriage experts believe that taking separate vacations now and then is a good idea. Do you agree? Do you and your spouse take separate vacations in addition to shared vacations?

Time Poll
Lack of time and busy schedules negatively impact marriages in many ways. Time-starved marriages often have difficulty handling chores around the house, finances, and making time for one another, themselves, their children, extended family, friends, and having fun.

Is Your Marriage Running on Empty?
Author Mira Kirshenbaum writes in her book, “The Weekend Marriage”, that the American state of matrimony is all too often the victim of what she calls “Murphy’s law” of marriage: “The less time you have together, the more things go wrong in your relationship.” Here are some warning signs of a time-starved marriage and what you can do about it.

How to Have Quality Time
Many couples today find that being married doesn’t guarantee that they will have quality time with one another. Busy spouses have to plan to spend time together. Here are some ideas.

Volunteerism Poll
The time you spend as a volunteer can hurt your marriage. Do you think volunteerism is hurting your marriage?

Knowing When to Say NO
Volunteerism can hurt your marriage. If you and your spouse are finding yourselves with no time for your relationship or your kids, perhaps you are having a problem saying NO.

Too Tired for Sex?
A 2001 survey revealed that there are a great many married couples who are just too tired to have sex.

Browsing in a Bookstore
Marriage tip on how to spend an afternoon together.

It is Okay to Want Some Time Alone
Most everyone needs some quiet time alone, and time to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect. Here are some suggestions on how to create space for some time alone.

Take Back Your Time Day Is Good for Marriage
Feeling overwhelmed, overtired, and stress in your marriage from over scheduling? Participate in the Take Back your Time movement. It challenges overwork, over scheduling, and lack of time in people’s fast-paced lives. October 24, 2004, is the second annual Take Back Your Time Day. It will be celebrated in more than 200 communities.

The Best Thing …
What is the best thing about having your spouse away overnight and what is the best thing about having your spouse home again? See submissions

• • • ♥ • • •

9. Trust
Trust is vital in the success of a marriage. If you are having doubts about your husband and find it difficult to trust him, seek counseling and not spying.

Alternatives to Spying! If you are suspicious and think your spouse may be cheating, don’t jump to conclusions. Think twice before spying on your mate. Here is a look at the consequences of spying on your spouse.

Infidelity Resources

Do You Spy on Your Spouse?
Do you snoop on your spouse? If so, how do you justify spying on your spouse. Tell us what you think.

Two Ways to Catch Your Spouse In a Lie
If you think your spouse is lying and want to find the truth — based on scientific research — here are two things you can do.

How We Handle Computer and Internet Usage in Our Marriage
Some couples believe that there should be complete transparency in their computer and Internet use while other couples think they have a right to password protect their email, Facebook account, etc. How do you and your spouse handle your online computer lives?

Can You Tell If or When Your Spouse is Lying
How do you know if or when your spouse is lying to you? How can you tell if your spouse lies? What method do you use to learn if your spouse is a liar?

Overcome Jealousy in Your Marriage
Whether you are the jealous partner or whether your spouse is the jealous one, irrational jealousy can eventually destroy your marriage. Here are answers to frequent questions about jealousy and things you can do to overcome jealousy in your marriage.

Are You Suspicious?
If you have suspicions that your spouse is having an affair, you may be wondering what to do. Here are some suggestions to help you cope with your suspicious thoughts and alternatives to spying on your partner.

Spying on Your Spouse
Even though privacy in a marriage is an important aspect of a successful marriage, spying on spouses, both by hiring a detective and by monitoring computer usage, is a profitable business.

Alternatives to Spying on Your Spouse
Here are some suggestions to help you cope with your suspicious thoughts and alternatives to spying on your partner.

Books About Lying
Lying in a marriage can be the fatal blow. Here are books to help you discern if your spouse is telling lies to you.

How To Tell if Your Spouse is Lying
Here are some reasons people lie, signs that you are being lied to, and what you can do about it.

• • • ♥ • • •

10. To Be a Companion
Hopefully, you can say that your husband is not only your lover, but also your friend. Staying friends and companions through the years requires that you find ways to make time together and to do things together.

The folks behind the UK’s National Marriage Week challenge husbands and wives to “stop everything else and spend 10 minutes each day during Marriage Week” having face-to-face discussions on news stories.

National Marriage Week (generally the second week in February) launches with a challenge to the nation: “Wise up and talk to each other”. National Marriage Week challenges the nation’s husbands and wives to stop everything else and spend 10 minutes each day during Marriage Week having face-to-face discussions about any topical news story from a newspaper.

Richard Kane who founded National Marriage Week, which is now approaching its eighth year said, “Couples who drift apart do so because time together is pressured and unrewarding. Creating a meaningful ten minute ritual is a great way to keep the fire of love burning brightly, even if time is short”.

Speaking in response to the launch of the Ten Minute Challenge, Andrew Oswald, Prof of Economics, Warwick University said, “If you can make it work, marriage is really great for you. It makes you much healthier, much wealthier, and much cheerier — no question at all. It is probably the single best investment in well-being you can make. Of course finding the right person is not so easy. But both first and second marriages produce, for men and women, huge amounts of happiness”.

Some couples naturally chat after dinner, every day, others chat in the car. Some couples however, only chat about family scheduling and then only when necessary. Marriage researchers say that building friendship or dedication is the ultimate key to a successful marriage. Couples who have stayed married for 20 to 60 years have two things in common. They prioritize their time together as a couple and take a long-term view of their marriage.

Most couples get married because they are great friends. Most couples divorce because they have grown apart. The message is clear. Friendship depends on making time to deepen the relationship. Spending time together doing simple things keeps friendships fresh and alive. Spending time together allows the good and bad to be discussed.

“People grow apart when the level of communication degrades to the occasional grunt, whereupon a discussion regarding contentious areas such as children or money can easily result in angry rows,” says Kane. “Soon there’s little in common and the prospect of a meaningful chat about anything important is dismissed, which leads to withdrawal. A 10-minute chat about the news may seem easy for some. But for others it may really help them start to get back on track.”

Married couples have found many innovative ways of spending regular time together. The simplest rituals involve weekly dinners, walks; bike rides, sport, trips to the cinema, or baths together. No phones. No TV. No children!

~By Sheri & Bob Stritof

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